Hey Dark Horse fans! Late last night our company satellite array intercepted a transmission from a Firefly-class transport vessel in low-orbit. We transcribed the transmission, but can't make heads or tails out of it. Take a look for yourself:

Firefly-Class Transport – SERENITY – Captain’s Log

12/22/2517 – 13.32.28

Mal, speak.

Inara, considering most of what we do on this boat falls into the category of illegal I ain’t too keen on keeping a record of it.

I’m asking you to make something up.

I ain’t too keen on playing storyteller neither.

This would be a great favor, Mal. A very chivalrous act. If the Alliance audits my travel I need to have some record to corroborate.

I take it a wake of satisfied and penniless men ain’t record enough?

What’s going on?

Wash, can you talk some sense into Mal?

Doubtful, what’s up?

Inara here’s asking me to trick up a captain’s log ’case the Alliance comes callin’ for her records.

And you’re going to make that up? Oh this is going to be good. Zoe! Get in here!

I am not going to do it.

What’s going on?

Mal’s going to record a fake captain’s log for Inara’s records.

How come no one’s hearing me when I say that this ain’t happening?! Now, Inara, turn that gorram thing – End Transmisson – 13.33.18

12/22/2517 – 13.48.28

Ahem. . . . Umm. . . . Yes, let’s see. This is Malcolm Reynolds, Captain of this here ship Serenity and I am now sitting here. In order to do my captain’s log. Which is something I do regularly and of my own choosing. We set out from Newhall at 1300 hours. We had stopped there for provisions. We were in need of food and fresh water. We had very . . . average, regular business dealings while on Newhall and returned to our ship without incident. Newhall, though rough in some respects, does have a certain frontier charm. There is land aplenty and good, solid folk who just want to make their own way, without interference from the Alliance or anyone else—not that there is anything wrong with the Alliance or their meddling which is infrequent and always for the good of the people. Anyway, our departure was smooth, thanks to the steady hand of our pilot, Hoban Washburne, a man whose skills behind the yoke are second to none. . . . And we are now making our way to Persephone. Which should be lovely. . . . I will now retire to my quarters for a cup of tea and some prayer. Over and out. Malcolm Reynolds. Captain. The End. How was that? Inara?

That was . . . great. Thank you, Wash.

My pleasure. Can we do one where we’re being attacked by Reavers and Mal’s screaming at me—I can do both voices—and it’s getting really quite horrible and it’s, “Oh dear me, the blood, the carnage!” and then, “Wash, you can’t possibly defeat them ALL?!” and I go, “CAN’T I?!” and then sound effects! You pound on the door and I’ll do screaming voices and. . . . You aren’t going to do this are you?

No.

Very well.

Thank you for your help, Wash.

You’re welcome. . . . Uh, is there a way we could not tell Zoe about this?

Sure. That isn’t still recording is it?

Of course not. . . . Unless of course. . . . – End Transmission – 13.51.12

 

I wonder what all that was about? What do you think, dear readers? Leave a comment below!