Let me tell you about Valve Presents: The Sacrifice and Other Steam-Powered Stories.

First of all, this book is big. Not oversized, mind you—at 9 x 12 inches and 208 glossy pages, it’s the perfect size for curling up on a couch for some quality readin’ time. And speaking of gloss, it has this velvety matte cover with perfectly placed gloss highlights, and—well.

There are some things you can never get from e-books. The sensation of spot gloss on a matte cover is one of them.

Under that glossy, glossy Valve logo—which I am sorry to tell you, as I wish someone had thought to tell me a few minutes ago, does not in fact taste like delicious candy—is a gorgeous painted cover by Jason Brashill. It’s got Bill from Left 4 Dead, and Chell from Portal, and the Heavy from Team Fortress 2, and man, is it sweet. (Not actually sweet, though. See above re: that spot gloss.)

But the cover’s just the wrapping paper. The really good part? That’s inside: those 208 nine-by-twelve pages of gorgeous, full-color comics by your favorite video game studio (Valve is your favorite video game studio, right? I mean, you’ve obviously got excellent taste, given that you’re at the Dark Horse Comics website, so I just assumed—). There’s a whole, whole lot of Left 4 Dead: The Sacrifice, which is very good zombie horror. There are pages and pages of Team Fortress 2—not just comics, but art and interstitial gags. And there’s the best, which we saved for last: Portal: Lab Rat, in all its glory.

There’s also a table of contents, a title page, some indicia, two backlists, and an introduction by Saxton Hale. That’s right—Saxton mother****ing Hale. When’s the last time you saw a book so awesome it broke the bounds of reality and inspired an introduction from a fictional character? That is how good this book is.

Want a copy? Of course you do. You’re an individual of discernment and taste. Well, grab your camping gear and head to your local comics shop so you can be first in line when it hits the shelves on November 16. Or, if you’re slightly less hardcore, you can preorder it as soon as right now, and have it delivered to your very door. I know what Grandma’s getting for Christmas!

And in the meantime, I’ll be here with my advance copy. Not licking it. I promise. Maybe.

—Rachel Edidin, who’s not sure how to get this weird chemical taste out of her mouth